I find that I get quite restless and fidgety when I try to meditate, is there anything that might help me?

 When you start to feel restless, it’s good to explore why, in a non-judgemental way. What’s happening for you when you’re restless…can you identify any thoughts occurring at this time? It’s best not to be reactive and to simply observe restlessness for what it is. Note how it feels in the body. See if you can watch it at a distance, maybe as you watch it, it changes or moves through your body and dissipates. When we react to restlessness, with a ‘wanting’ for it to go away, this resistance in the body, exacerbates the energy of restlessness. If observing the restlessness if too difficult, another approach might be to broaden your field of awareness to include sounds in the environment (shifting the attention away from the body momentarily) and then returning attention back to the body when you’re ready. Walking meditation is another option (see ‘meditation postures’), bringing movement to the body can be supportive in reducing restlessness (sometimes people with ADHD find walking meditation more accessible than sitting).

How do I know if I’m doing it right?

It’s quite common to wonder if you’re doing it right. Many people when they first come to meditation don’t really feel like it’s ‘doing anything’ or become overwhelmed by the amount of thinking that they do, so they stop meditating because they think they are doing it wrong. It’s natural to think, we are human, and this is what we do. Noticing that you are thinking IS the practice (more on this in the answer to the question about thinking). Sometimes people don’t ‘feel anything’ and wonder if meditation is benefitting them, as perhaps they have the expectation that they should experience bliss or some transcended state. The benefits that come from meditation are likely to be found in your everyday life and you may not notice benefits instantly. One way to track your progress might be to ask yourself a series of questions from time to time, over an extended period of time. For example, do you notice more quickly when you become reactive? (In your practice and in your everyday life) Are you becoming more aware of your mind wandering in practice over time? Do you notice when you are rushing? More aware of when you are being judgemental? Feel more open/receptive to others? Do you find greater ease in your practice when difficulty arises? Is it getting easier to sit for longer periods of time? Do you feel more connected with your body? (e.g. do you notice tension when it arises). Have your interactions with others changed? (how?). These are just some of the questions you might want to ask yourself over an extended period to observe the shifts that your practice has created.

How do I deal with distraction?

When meditating everyone experiences distraction, so when this happens, it’s natural. It’s best to respond, not react. To work with distraction you can either note the distraction without judgement and return to the object of mindfulness (e.g. the breath) or you can temporarily make the distraction, the object of the meditation by observing it with a sense of curiosity that does not invite analysis or discursive thought. So, this might be effective for example if you’ve become distracted by some minor pain in your leg: note the pain, sense it’s qualities without analysis or story, make your observation as close to the bare experience as possible (label the pain as dull, contraction, pressure, heat, unpleasant etc) See what happens to the pain, maybe it dissipates or moves to another area of the body. If the pain is too strong, sometimes it helps to find an area of the body that feels ‘pleasant’ or ‘neutral’ and allow your awareness to rest there. If the pain is being caused by your meditation posture, and has not eased by trying the technique described above, then it might be a good idea to shift into a more comfortable position. This way, you are moving in a way that is responsive rather than reactive.

Another example of distraction might be sounds in the environment around you. Experiment with using sound as the object of mindfulness. Label the distraction as ‘merely sound’ and then notice the space between sounds. Try not to create a story about origin of the sound (how irritating it is etc) but hear it with bare perception.

Whatever your distraction, you can try returning to the original object of mindfulness (e.g. the breath), when you feel more settled.

How do I deal with my thoughts?

Sitting down to meditate can feel overwhelming at times, especially when you first start, and you begin to see how distracted the mind naturally is. Attitude is very important here. We don’t want to resist the thoughts or fight against them. A Tibetan Buddhist teacher I learned from said that he believes meditation is 95% attitude, 5% technique. The fact that you’re recognising that you’re thinking is a good thing, it means that you’re not absorbed in, or tangled up in your thinking. Be curious and friendly toward distraction, non-judgemental. Over time you will find that you start noticing whenever you’re lost in thought more quickly. Maybe you’ll begin to notice that the space between thoughts becomes wider.

What do I do with strong emotions when they come up?

If what you’re feeling is not too intense, become curious about what’s coming up for you: what’s happening in your body and mind? (without analysing the situation). See if you can sense the bare experience. For example, if it’s anxiety, you might note: unpleasant, tight, contraction, quickening mind- whatever the characteristics of this feeling are, for you. Being open and receptive toward the feeling in this way can sometimes help it to settle. If the feeling becomes too strong, you might want to try expanding your attention to include the whole body or just the feet. So, you move the attention away from the uncomfortable area, which in the case of anxiety might often mean moving the attention away from the upper body. You can also take this a step further, and move your attention toward the surrounding environment, by using sounds in the environment as your focus of attention or try walking meditation.

You are your own expert, so feel in to what you need in any given moment.

 *If you are experiencing severe emotional distress or living with a mental health condition, it is recommended to seek the advice of a qualified medical professional before taking up meditation. While there is an abundance of research to demonstrate that meditation helps improve mental health broadly, in some instances, certain kinds of meditation can make some mental health conditions (such as schizophrenia or complex trauma) worse.

Why do I feel uptight and tense when I meditate?

 When we bring mindfulness to our body, we often notice and feel how tense we are. Perhaps when we were not so mindful, on autopilot, we didn’t notice how tight and ridged our body had become. Sometimes we try too hard in meditation. We grip on to the experience, we try to force our attention to stay on the breath, or we force a meditation posture that just doesn’t feel good for our body. Comfort is important, it helps us to relax and to cultivate attentional balance/concentration.

Often in meditation, people will try to relax, try to let go, try to remove all the tension, this ‘trying’ adds another layer of tension to the tension. It’s a different thing to ‘invite’ the body to relax and then to allow the tension that remains, to be there in the background. Allowing the natural rhythm of breathing (not forcing or shaping the breath) can also bring a relaxation, a softening to the body that unfolds in an effortless way.

What posture should I take?

 It depends on your individual circumstances for any given meditation session. I personally find its better not to get too hung up about posture (you don’t want to be exerting too much effort to get it right). ‘Upright yet relaxed’ is a good cue for sitting meditation. Here’s some more detail:

 Sitting

If you choose to sit for meditation: have an upright spine, lift up through the chest, do not over-arch the spine or slouch , and relax the abdomen and shoulders. The chin should be slightly tilted down. Your hands can be folded in your lap or resting on your thighs to help the shoulders to relax. Make sure you have enough support under your seat so that your bum is higher than your knees (you may have to sit on a cushion to facilitate this). If you are sitting in a cross legged position, you may also want to put cushions under your knees to support them. 

As an alternative to sitting on the floor, you sit in a chair, with your feet resting flat on the floor. If your legs are shorter, you can place a cushion in front of the chair so you can rest your feet flat without straining.

Lying Down

If you want to meditate lying down, lie flat on your back with your feet slightly apart. Placing a pillow under the knees may be supportive, or bending the legs and resting the feet on the floor can also be a comfortable posture. You can place your hands either out at your sides or resting on the abdomen.

Walking Meditation

Traditional walking meditation is done very slowly, with care and attention paid to how your feet make contact with the ground and leave the ground.

Are guided meditations with relaxing music helpful to meditate to?

Music or calming sounds such as binaural beats are often added to guided meditations or sometimes you might just meditate to the music, to help you to calm down. There is nothing wrong with this. However, if you’re hoping to develop a meditation practice where you only need to rely on yourself to make it happen (a very empowering thing!), then skip the external calming cues/supports, or maybe just use them occasionally. With mindfulness meditation, we are seeking to meet the experience as it is, life as it is. In doing so, we cultivate acceptance and equanimity in response to whatever arises. We get better at being with things as they are. In doing this we develop greater resilience. And then theres no need to call in the ambient music to calm ourselves down when we’re in a stressful situation, we learn to regulate our stress response from within.